Designer : PauLeNe
Brushes : xXx
Image : xXx
Software : xXx
Fonts: xXx
Basecodes: xXx

First and Foremost, Welcome.
Now, guidelines.

Read. my scribbles.
Feel. my emotions.
Smile. for me.
Dance. in joy.
Comment. in my favour.

And if you don't already know,
Slip. on my banana peels. =P

Seriously, I dislike my friends. All of them.

Really, you think you are really nice to me?

You think you really care about me?

I occasionally shower you with gifts.

I lend you money when you need it.

I give you treats when you are on a really tight budget.

I listen to you when you have family problems.

I hang out with you when you need company.

I talk to you when you are bored.

Think about it. Think about what you do. Think about what you say to me.

Think.

When I need support, are you there?

When I need help, are you there?

When I need someone to listen to me, are you there?

When I need someone's company, will you even try to be there?

Don't forget that a relationship is a 2 way thing. Don't waste my time if you don't sincerely want to be my friend.

I don't need that shit. These are the simple reasons why I don't look for you all anymore. And I realise that we don't even talk anymore! Cos you are living a great life. Without me.

And when there are problems, I know you will be back again.

See the difference?

I'm really disappointed. I can live alone. Without you.

Who are you to hurt me?

What is your definition of a friend? Someone to play with when you are bored? I'm not your soft toy. Or your dog.

Even your dog receives more respect from you.

What am I to you?

Think about it. Think.

Have you looked for me in the past 6 months? You miss me?

Why bother to pay lip service to me. I don't need that. I need sincerity. I need you to be my friend.

I give alot of sincerity to each and every of you, why don't I get it back? I'm not worthy?

Fuck you all then. I don't need you all.


Jank

You know, I find it really tough to write a korean journal. Everyday I come home from work and though I'm so tired, I just keep forcing myself to write at least a short post.

Through Lang-8.com, I interact with native korean speakers and they are constantly helping me with the mistakes on my journal posts. And I'm trying to keep my journal posts as simple as they can, thus explaining the simple english sentences.

Support from friends are really crucial, but I don't think i'm getting any. This is what my friends are for. I guess.

As heartbreaking as this seems, life will go on. And I will continue to work hard to perfect my korean language skills.

Just so you don't understand what I'm trying to say in this post, I will just give a simple hint.

Wait for it, wait for it...

... ...

... ...

Wait for it... ... ...

"If I could translate all of these in korean, I would!"

That's all. But even with this hint, I doubt my friends will understand. This is what a failure sounds like.


xoxo Jank

I start off this post with a random note ~ I haven't been to the place Edwin's working at for quite sometime! I am supposed to be on a very strict diet, but really, I haven't been following it! Sometimes I really detest my lack of determination to pursue something I want THAT much! Janel Janel... you really sucketh.

Now... proceeding to the main thing I want to highlight for the day.

My BFF (best.friends.forever). Let's just call him that for now. Hello BFF! I am really frustrated with you today. It (the previous sentence) carries with it the pent up frustrations from previous quarrels with you. Why issit that I keep quarreling with you? I do not do that with other friends. It really is frustrating. Here I am, trying really hard to get through to you about me, and there you are, taking down the bridge of understanding in which I have been trying to hard to build up.

I am not one person who expresses herself (I know this is really fucked up) well through words. This being that I stutter at my words sometimes and I don't really want to bring it through to you in the way which it all seems clear. You would have thought that I was trying to be that woman with a patronizing tone, again.

And you see, BFF, because of this really angry episode at work (this HAD to happen just before I went home) throughout this wonderful day spent together (had sakae sushi and to communicate without having to feel irritated or pissed off with each other), I met up with my sister with the most CCB face you could ever imagine. I do not want to carry all these anger with me when I leave the office! But you must mean something to me for me to carry that unwanted emotional burden with me back home.

SO, when I met up with my sister... she said, "Looks like you don't really want to go home with me." Another person sad, all kickstarts from a stupid prank at work. In which you thought that you would have been alright if I were to do that to you. I have alot of pride. And knowing that, you willingly became an accomplice to embarassing me in front of outsiders. Thank you... NOT!

I calmly explained to her, "No, I really want to go home with you. But I just had a fucking bad day at work." Thank God she was really understanding!

I felt so shitty, I even had to scout for comfort food. Fuck! My diet is damn fucked up to begin with, too.

So I went to sakae sushi again, this time for tempura ice cream. I ate it, and felt much better. I even went for some damned retail therapy! In which I shouldn't have, because I should be saving money!

Once again, THANK YOU NOT!

I really feel like screaming. But you know, my figure's already that fucked up, I know I shouldn't ruin my voice, too. Anyway, I really hope that sleeping it off will work. Or else, you're so not going to see me at work tomorrow. AND I MEAN IT!

xoxo Jank

Today's song:

Metallica - St. Anger

Today was a tiring but somehow, fun day. I just realised im one who cannot just sit still and do the same ol' routine work everyday. I need to feel alive by thinking and coming up with ideas. I like to talk and brainstorm creative ideas with my colleagues.

For the first time today, I have actually had a fun discussion with my boss. We were brainstorming on ideas for entertainment during an event. This is fun, and I don't mind doing it all day. One thing about me, I also come to realise how much I actually dislike handling the general public (Singaporeans). Slow to compliment, always too quick to complain. Before complaining, they do not think of the rationale or logic behind their complaints. Their mindset is only one: I am customer, hence I am King. And what I say must be right.

Either that, or: I am superman, I will save the world, I will challenge organisations and spread joy to the world when my idea (of which is usually ridiculous) is forcefully accepted and implemented.

So irritating! Don't they have better things to do? Better lives to live? Honestly, I think moments spent wasted on forcing others to accept your opinion, in which most of the time is driven by your momentararily sparked ideas or your silly principles (hate this word, more than 70% of the people complaining seem to have this, principle thingy. Do you even know what it means before using it?), is better time wasted when you spend it on other stuff. Want to be superman / superhero? Go out there and help raise funds for the needy!

Don't waste your life on making others and yourself unhappy! Go to the beach! Go to have a feast! Go have drinks with friends!

And there you go. A better tomorrow for you and me.

xoxo Jank