Designer : PauLeNe
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First and Foremost, Welcome.
Now, guidelines.

Read. my scribbles.
Feel. my emotions.
Smile. for me.
Dance. in joy.
Comment. in my favour.

And if you don't already know,
Slip. on my banana peels. =P

Just now on my way home in the train, I happened to hear the converation between a couple. The boyfriend was telling the girlfriend on how incredibly stupid his project mate was. Well I know this is nothing really surprising but I can't help but start thinking to myself that this word can really be hurtful at times. Haha, I'm not saying this like I just realised this, you know.

Though I must admit that almost everyday I call someone stupid, but I have never really stopped to think how they would feel. I am no saint, but I just suddenly asked myself who am I to judge others anyway? I know the feeling of being called stupid really sucks. I've been called stupid so many times, whether they truly mean it or not, but I really dislike the feeling.

Just felt like penning this thought of mine down.

Anyway, today was a considerably great day! Hope everyday could be something like this. haha. I went to Plaza Singapura after work... Walked around a little and did a little retail therapy. lol. I bought 5 candles specially to support Earth Hour tomorrow!!!

Switch off all your lights from 8.30pm to 9.30pm tomorrow, 28 March 2009! I'm planning to switch off all my lights for more than an hour. Vote earth with me!!! We can all help make this a better place to live in. :)

VOTE EARTH NOW!

xoxo Jank

It's the weekend, again. Despite having said this more than a thousand times, I feel like saying this again: Time flies.

Sometimes I wish I had so many more activities in my life. Personally, maybe I just feel lonely. I just don't want to admit it. I have alot of pride, you see. I don't have many friends. I don't hang out with the only friends I have because they are all busy with their lives.

Today, I hear another friend telling me that someone expressed his interest in her. Sadly, there're many times I would love to be the one to tell my friends that there's someone who told me he's had a crush on me, or something like that. Sometimes it saddens me to learn that my friends or sister have someone after them, again. Again, again. Again. I'm quite sick of it. When's my turn?! I keep thinking to myself.

I am not praying for these things everyday or every minute of my life, it's just that there are times I just need to feel loved, romantically.

Maybe I'm not as special as them. And I KNOW i'm not as pretty as them. I know i'm not skinny. I'm not even anywhere near acceptable. I know that. But I keep telling myself that I'm pretty. I just want to make myself feel better. I just want to feel happy with myself. But this is not natural, since I almost have to lie my way into feeling happy with myself.

And I'm always angry inside, because, even though I know I want to be pretty and slim very much... I lack determination. To speak of it, I have none. I can't stop myself from thinking about food everyday, I can't stop myself from feeling exhausted and quarrelling with myself everyday.

Then there's work. I go to work everyday. After work, I do some OT. Then I go straight home, bathe, eat and then sleep. Then comes another day with the same routine. Over and over again, I feel like i'm living in a really bad movie.

I know people say that life is like a live performance, there's only one take. Never again will the same hour, minute or second repeat itself in your life. Not even until you die. I know it's up to me to make my own wonderful life story. No one can help write or change the way my story is going to be like, all except me. And I'm really a bad scriptwriter. There is no challenge or excitement. All there is, is just repetition.

Even at work, I feel so exhausted. I look at the computer screen for 8 hours a day. I stress myself over customer emails and solving their complaints. I really think that there is nothing that holds me back in that place. I don't even feel happy during payday anymore. I think there really is a problem with me.

Why in the world did I become like this?

I used to have so many friends. I knew what was romantic love. I used to be so energetic.

Why am I becoming so distant from all these? Why have I become an introvert?

I really don't know how to face my boring life.

What should I do?

난 어떻하죠?


xoxo Jank


Today's song dedication to myself ....

Artist: 리아 (Ria)
Song: 눈물 (Tears)




울었어 눈물을 참지 못해 울었어...

'Today will be a good day.'

Those were the first words that appeared in my head two days ago after I spotted a half-rainbow in the morning sky. I couldn't help but stop playing on my wonderful iTouch and just gaze at the beautiful rainbow. Others were either sleeping or reading newspapers. I was the only one who could not take my gaze off it. I was happy throughout the whole day.

Rainbows (faint, full, half, etc), just never fail to capture my full attention. To me, it is a symbol of hope and all things good. A representation that the rain is finally gone and the sun is coming again. I know this sounds cliched. But I really treasure each and everytime I see it. I wonder if anyone can really understand the way I feel about the rainbows. =)

On a random note, I just received a call from Cheryl. It was really nice to hear from her after a few busy long months. It was really nice to know that people remember me despite their busy lives.

Anyway, I just felt like putting this down in writing. Hope I will have something that I feel like noting down soon again. Signing off.


xoxo Jank =)